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To my younger self,

I see that time has been kind to you and now you are at a cross-road again. Good bye post graduate program. You are not thinking of continuing to PhD right? Enough schooling I think.Β Things are going to be harder from now on since it is just you and the world. There is no more escape as you’ve exhausted your student card. Going home is also not an option at the moment because you feel like you still have a lot to accomplish.

I know you are waiting anxiously about the consultancy job you’ve applied for. It has been a life long dream, so I hope you are not going to be shattered if you don’t get it. It’s ironic that both of us are back in the same exact situation right now. Having a back up plan is always recommended. Life is a process, sometimes the process is more important than the result.

Ten years have passed and you have gone through a lot. You have made some decisions that you were not proud of and to this day I wonder what had gone into you at times, however I guess youth explains it all. I applauded you for always having the nerve to just jump into things. I think that’s what saved you a lot of times. At this older age, I wish I still have the same amount of courage as you did. The world moves a bit slower now.

I hope you’ll remember that you wanted to learn from your experiences and not just bury them in a frozen reflection pond. Uncertainty is difficult to embrace at any age so don’t fret if you’d make resolutions that are oftenΒ just mushy platitudes for self-improvement and easily abandon them in that uncertain future. For the most part you’ll get fatter in spite of your pledges to lose weight. You’ll find yourself working too hard and taking your loved ones for granted despite promising yourself otherwise. You’ll also find weekends when you just want to stay home and watch terrible television and wait for that unexpected thingΒ to happen that will change you.

Time is a moving continuum and cycles often repeat themselves. I hope you’ll continue to be brave and grateful in face of them all.

And now, onto the real life, business as usual.

From a time in the future,

Your older self.

________________
February 27, 2015

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54 thoughts on “[EF] In retrospect

  1. Your letter has moved me… or was it the song I listened?
    OK… maybe both.
    Ah, there are a lot of things that I want to say to my younger self, too, but I just can’t because I don’t know how to express it.
    Guess I should back and trying some more. Yosh!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Mbak Riiiiie, berkaca-kaca saya bacanyaaa. Kalo pake Bahasa Inggris gak bisa leluasa meluapkan perasaaan. Aduuuh Mbaaaak beneran pengen duduk bareng dan ngobrol deh. So many things to talk about. Cuma ketemu dirimu di 3 dari 10 tahun itu Mbak dan sudah bikin saya bersyukuuur. Definitely one of my best times, meskipun sekarang sedang menghadapi situasi yang kurang lebih sama kudoakan dirimu selalu diberikan petunjuk dan limpahan berkah dari Tuhan ya Mbak Rie dan semoga keputusan apapun yang diambil adalah jalan menuju arah yang terbaik yang disiapkanNya. *big hug!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Banyak yang bilang 10 tahun bukanlah waktu yg lama (yaaa kalo menurutku sih lama sih ya), tapi ternyata banyak hal yg berubah dalam waktu itu. Dari yg dulu semangat degan banyak mimpi, sampe sekarang yg harus mulai belajar mengkerucutkan keinginan dan fokus sama sedikit hal sajah. *hyuuuuuh ini malah curcol..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We spent same amount of time but have different experiences (of course :D).

    I learn a lot from your letter, Mba Mikan, since I just moved into adulthood (yet, already have some regrets :|). I need to prepare myself to be a better person in future :).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Ami. We’re not going to make “the right” decisions all the time. That’s just how the process is. I graduated from post graduate program already 10 years ago and still I think I made so many stupid decisions ☺️ Embrace your life Mi and seize life. Become a whole you!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Setiap kita pasti pernah berada di simpang jalan sebelum memutuskan memilih jalan yg akan kita lewati…. Terkadang kita bisa langsung putuskan mau lewat jalan yg mana, ada juga waktu kita harus berhenti sejenak sebelum memutuskan… dan setiap keputusan bisa benar, bisa juga salah.

    Sepakat dengan mbak mikan, bukan masalah benar salahnya keputusan, tapi gimana kita menjalani konsekuensi dari keputusan yg kita ambil….sepahit apa pun….

    Sebenarnya, apa yg kita terima dan jalani hari ini adalah hasil keputusan dan tindakan yg kita ambil sebelumnya. Dan apa yang kita putuskan dan lakukan pada hari ini akan menggambarkan apa yang akan dapatkan dan raih di masa depan…

    Tak semua orang bisa seperti mbak Mikan, memutuskan tinggal dan sekolah di luar negeri dan mendapatkan banyak pengalaman yg orang lain belum tentu dapatkan… Tetap semangat dan salam dari belantara kalimantan πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ya benar Mas, tidak ada keputusan yang benar menurutku, yang ada adalah keputusan yang terbaik di saat itu. Ya jalan hidupku semua diawali dengan sebuah mimpi untuk merasakan hidup di negeri orang dan ternyata diberikan jalannya oleh Tuhan. Selamat terus berkarya di belantara sana mas dan terima kasih banyak!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: EF#8 A Younger Me | Kisahku

    • Mbak Monda, sorry I reread your post and would like to highlight the following:
      When I (ASKED HER THE REASON), she said it (WOULD BE) a pity….

      I realized it was merely HER DREAM AND she did not dare to ask me to quit work.

      I have never felt sorry for (MY DECISION). Have a great weekend mbak!

      Like

  7. aku selalu suka deh dengan pilihan phrase dan kata2mu
    selalu tertulis indah ..,

    I am touched, sedikit mellow juga jadinya, yah mungkin ada aja sih hal2 kecil di masa muda yg kusesali, tapi nggak terlalu dipikirin amat, he..he.., dan nggak bisa nulisnya di my post

    Liked by 1 person

    • Makasih banyaaak mbak Monda for your kind words. Aku sih banyak banget momen2 dan keputusan yang pastinya bukan terbaik di saat itu tapi yaa hidup proses ya hahaha….maaf ya mbak klo jadi mellow bacanya.

      Like

  8. Mba Mikan…. Suratnya. Hiks. Mengeluarkan sisi rintoku nih. Huaaaa.

    Begitu banyak yang bisa aku ambil dr suratmu Mba. Now I am really grateful that Dani introduced you to blog world and to BEC, especially. Bener-bener pengalaman luar biasa Mba. Bisa kenal dirimu.

    Liked by 1 person

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